[[.blOggiE .]]
Thursday, October 27, 2005
i juz feel so damn depressed..it's been a long time since i hav dis feeling liao..
i juz gt back by biochem mock exam..haiz..n i onli gt 30 sth our of 60..well..considering it's a pass when it's a tough ppr..but in fact, i'm nt..i juz feel so sad..i feel lyk crying..i did study hard for it..n here's the outcome..haiz..looking at the ppl ard mi..most gt 40sth instead..well..it's nt tt i wan 2 compare wif other ppl's, but the academic system nw juz lyk to compare us, one another..i juz can't help comparing too..i juz feel so sick of it..i juz wan 2 cry nw..getting the ppr back at dis time, juz affect mi morale for the cuming exam and my anatomy CA tml..i'm juz nt motivated at all..
ever since i came to uni, everythingy tt happened to mi seems so nt smoothly at all..i dunno y..i nvr felt lyk tt in mi sch life b4..i juz dunno wat 2 do nw..watever i did..seems wrong, watever ans i gave, seems unsatifactory..i juz feel so sick of sch life..no matter hw hard i mug, the outcome is the same,y waste mi precious time on the fucking fruitless results..no matter hw hard i tried, everyone in mi course seems much much much better than mi..i tink i'll end up bottom of mi course no matter hw hard i tried..haiz..the feeling juz suck..it's juz keep de-motivating mi instead..
all i wana do nw is cry..cry all mi pains and troubles out..haiz..
i'll juz hav 2 cont mugging..hoping for the better..
sorrie..ts and wanni..i'll do the blog tag nxt time..recently too busy liao..haiz..
Reminiscing stops at |5:05 PM|
Monday, October 17, 2005
everythingy juz change within dis short one wk..
practical is over for dis sem..yeah!!
the cheerful, fun-loving ohm is missing..:'(
the close ties wif them no longer as strong..
the unknown and confused r/s b/w e 2 of us is over..i sort of noe the ans and kinda tired of dragging and u misleading mi all these mths..sick of it liao..
hav the longest tok i hav on the fone wif kl on fri nite..wow..no date on fri nite, but toking wif her is reallie nice, and haiz..after all, we hav bout one mth din mit up liao lo..i miss ya dear..hahahah
last wk has been one of the saddest wk..i shan't tok bout it at all..nt at all..n i almost 4gt y it's the saddest too..haiz..somehw, it's gd so as to cheer mi mood up..haiz..
i miss the times back in jc..it's so fun and though stressful, compared to nw..it's so much better..u hav frenz thr to share the burden wif u..and of coz, share ur happiness..but in uni..ppl here are so hypocrite..even kl agreed wif mi..haiz..in fact, we're turning into one too..i hate dis..haiz..i wan 2 return back to the innocent and pure gal wif no ill intention at all..
the conclusion is:we're hurting each other;u tink tt i've nvr care 4 u at all, n i feel tt u're taking mi for grantedmabe, we're nt the right ones for each other..it's better for us to end dis confusing r/s..can we? in fact, can i?i hope to end dis soon..
Reminiscing stops at |12:23 AM|
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
life in uni juz sux..hw mani times hav i mentioned dis..but tt's the truth, wonder hw long can i tahan dis kind of sucky life..
was juz doing mi biostats assignment which make up 30 % of the exam mark..wth..n we're doing it wif all the yr 2 bio sci students..haiz..in terms of everythingy, lab reports all dese, dey r more experienced than us..it's juz so unfair of us..right nw, we're coping hw 2 do the lab reports, wif so mani lab reports piling up every wk..and when we haven get the gist of it, here we r, doing the assignments, trying to write a report about the validity of the biostats in the medical journal..haiz..n during the wkend, i had juz rushed thru 2 of mi lab reports..n nw..haiz..i hav to rush thru the assignment which has to b handed in dis cuming fri..haiz..3 more daes..in fact, juz 2 more daes for mi to hand in an "goot" and "well-done" reports..
everyone is in the mugging mood nw..but mine is so inconsistent at all..somehw, sometimes, i feel lyk mugging and sometimes i hav no motivation at all..the feeling juz suck la..i wonder hw long will mi past motivation to study and mi determination returned to the nw pathetic mi..counting dwn to the no of daes, i feel tt..i juz can't finish everythingy..haiz..plz plz..i nid motivation..and no more DISTRACTION plz..
i feel tt i'm looking older and ragged..shit..all thanks to the midnight oil i hav been burning..juz last nite, i slept ard 430 to 5 lyk tt..in the morning la..sianz..mi mum has been telling mi tt staying up late at nite, will make one look damn damn old la..in fact, will juz lose the beauty..okie..i alreadie look so bad liao..haiz..dun wana it to get worse..and look lyk a 40yr old woman when i was juz gg 2 b 20..but i can't help it at all..mi motivation to study onli cum after 12..haiz..tt's bad..in the dae, no motivation at all..tried..but nuthun seems to get into mi saturated brain..
everyone is changing..
but sometimes, i juz prefer to stay the same..
i wonder wat kind of situation r we in nw..wonder wat r we tinking nw..even i miself dun even understand mi own feelings, and y sometimes i hav such drastic actions..in the past, i nvr nvr doubt miself b4, after noeing u, and watever we hav gone thru tgt, ..the times we enjoyed tgt, the hurtings we done to each other, the sadness we brought to each other, i reallise i hav changed..i'll nvr b the same again..so r we? even nw i dun even noe miself at all..
juz wan everythingy to b back to normal..though we stared toking more than the seem-so-long lasting quiet period, the feelings seem diff..r we trying 2 get back 2 tt time?i wonder..r we?..juz hope everythingy will b fine, after this stressful exam period..
My love for you is a journey; Starting at forever, And ending at never.
Reminiscing stops at |4:52 PM|
Saturday, October 08, 2005
finallie finished mi lab reports..except mi biostats assignments..sianz..tink i'll doing tt during wkdaes ba..haiz..
did some stopid quizzes..hahah
| Your Personality Profile |
 You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming! |
| You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish |
| You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
| Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde |
 You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content. |
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now. |
| How You Are In Love |
 You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard. |
| How You Life Your Life |
 You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable. |
| You Are Balanced - Believer - Empowered |
| You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally. You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go. Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control. Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow. You are a true believer in luck, fate, and karma. You believe that life is a game of chance - not a game of skill. You either consider yourself very unlucky or very lucky. No matter what, you don't feel like you can change the hand you were dealt. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly. |
Reminiscing stops at |6:00 PM|
Friday, October 07, 2005
been blogging everydae for the past few daes, decided to put dwn all mi feelings, dun care if anione is reading mi blog liao..kinda sick of cooping every single thingy in mi heart, i feel so terrible, blogging is juz one waze of relieving stress for mi dese daes..
din do much wrk todae, haiz..coz too tired liao.somemore it's end of the wk..i nid a rest..seriously, i nid a rest though mi wrk is still piling up wif all the revisions..haiz..
had moodswing todae, kinda ignore mi gd neighbours even when dey called mi..dunno y..juz dun feel gd todae..
was blasting mi music juz nw, when i heard someone calling out..the voice is so familiar..i turned dwn the music by a bit, then i heard the voice more clearly nw..i turned mi head 2wards the stairs thr, can onli his backview..the backview is so so so familiar, someone hu was so close to mi, someone hu touched mi heart and hurt the pathetic mi..haiz..immediately, mi mood changes uncontrollably, i started to feel sad..damn sad..at least i tried to keep miself occupied, avoiding the reoccurance of the depression..haiz..
realise tt one of mi subcomers is having in the same situation as mi..he's juz as hurt as mi..finallie, thr's someone hu reallie understand hw i feel..thanks a lot..i hope thingys will turn out better for the both of us..dun worry too much..time will heal all wounds..
i wonder when would mine be healed?..haiz
i'm sorrie to sae tt..but i do miss u..vv badly..y muz u appear in front of mi?juz seeing ur backview, it alreadie hurt mi..please, please, tell mi, when would all dis stop..when would mi heart listen to her owner?
Reminiscing stops at |2:39 AM|
Thursday, October 06, 2005
y would anione sae tt uni life is much better than jc times?i juz dun understand.mabe i still can't adapt to the independent learning and depend too much on the spoonfeeding we used to hav in jc..i miss dose times, it seems so much fun and less stress than nw..nt tt uni life is nt fun..hall life is fun n happenings, juz tt, in uni, it's hard to find real truthful gd fren, even sher agree wif mi..it's so so hard to find someone hu can share all ur happiness and burden wif u..hw i wish i can go back to the jc times. Cum to tink of it nw, i dun mind having tests every wk, compared to nw, i hav no one to turn to when i hav prob, esp cum to studies..i rather b back in jc, where the tutors are so so so willing to help us students, hu are the ones wif strong passion in teachings..haiz..
for the lst time, i kinda miss home..mabe i wan to get away from all the stress, problems i'm facing here..i wana get back home, in the comfort of mi bed, n spend more time wif mi parents and mi bro, even nwadaes, though i went back everywkend, we hardly tok much..haiz..i miss dose times..when i spent most of mi times at home..haiz..
i had mi lst econ mcq test todae..n i nvr feel so stressed b4, until i had to went toliet twice to LS. It's the lst time i felt so nervous for a test..mabe coz, i had too high expectations of miself, since i studied econ in jc, i felt i shld do much much better, but i din..i felt so sad..i expect much better..i told mi mum, though she said, y so nervous?pass will do..but it won't do for mi..i felt..a pass in mi klass means u hav one of the lowest score in klass?..i felt so irritated wif miself sometimes, y everything seems so nt smoothly for mi?haiz..i hate miself for tt..whr has the organised ohm gone?haiz..
i'm sick of meetings liao..tml i hav 2 meetings..one is wif mi subcom meeting at 530 and another wif other hall polo capts meeting at 10 pm..wth..i feel so sick of dese..meetings..meetings..n more meetings..fri, i hav another meeting again..it juz drain mi mentally..haiz..
i hav alreadie tried mi best..but it's hard..so so hard..to give u up..past few daes, coz of the preparations of econ test keeping mi occupied..keep mi mind away from tinking of u..haiz..but after the test todae, i reallie hw much i miss u..hw much i miss dose times, i miss the times u pampered mi..i juz miss all tt..haiz..still,sometimes, i wonder if i reallie hate u or lyk u? hate u for giving mi so so much hope, making mi lyk u then letting mi dwn after i had foolishly walk into ur trap..haiz..i juz dunno wat mi mind is tinking..haiz..n i wonder wat u tinking too..haiz..still, i'll try mi best to give u up..i believe one dae, i'll b able to do it..it juz take time, it might take a vv vv vv long time..
will we b back to normal?i wonder...
Reminiscing stops at |2:55 AM|
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
tt's wat i'm feeling lately, been trying to keep miself happy, to avoid depression, tinking bout him, and to conc on mi wrk, but it turned out tt it's much harder than i've expected. Still, i manage to cheer miself up a bit..nt lyk previous mth which i had depression twice..so terrible rite?haiz..
in the end, i joined jereme's team to b GL for nxt yr foc. Hiaz, quite sad, coz the galz in the og i'm nt close to them leh..though i'm closer to the guys, mi neighhbours, but guys r guys and galz r galz..hard to b damn close..damn hard..and everyone tot i'll b vv on tt kind..m i? seriously, even i miself oso nt vv sure bout it..watever it is, it still hav to depend vv much on mi mood..haiz..juz hope everythingy turned out fine then..
lyk i said b4, everyone is changing..even jereme hu alwaze scream at mi, seems to have tame dwn a lot..he din scream at mi nw..in fact, he even show some concern as a neighbour, asking mi if i wan cooling tea or pi pa gao for mi sore throat..wow..hahah..even py seems back to normal, a little la..except for his pms sometimes..while bernard seems stressed recently, wif lotsa vulgar lang..haiz..n issac seems more dao nw..okie..i admit i dao him lst la..haiz..
i'm sick of econs liao..imagine u hav studied it for daes n nw b4 the test, u still dun hav the confidence at all..haiz..totally sick of econs..haiz..the feelings juz suck..
i tot i can avoid u..but it seems i juz can't..haiz..y is giving up so hard..haiz
dese daes have nt been smoothly for u..hope life would b much better than tt for the both of us..Staring right back in the faceA memory can't be erasedI know, because I triedStart to feel the emptinessAnd everything I'm gonna missI know, that I can't hide
Reminiscing stops at |2:16 AM|
Monday, October 03, 2005
haiz..it's sun nite..decided to take a break..aniwaze can't reallie conc..so do one stopid quiz..haha
| Your Seduction Style: Prized Object |
 The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.
You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!
You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for. |
What Kind of Seducer Are You?
Reminiscing stops at |1:12 AM|
Sunday, October 02, 2005
sianz, everydae is juz studying, studying n studying..i'm bcuming sick liao..haiz..wkend is ending, n nxt wk, gonna b damn busy again, meetings, trnings, tests, tuts..haiz..life sux
n guess wat, finallie, last fri, thr's time for us, bio sci students to relax..we hav movie session ion our sch, my big fat greek wedding, damn funie lo..after tt, we went geylang for supper hopping, and it's te lst time i tasted smelly toufu..omg, it juz stink lo, n i onli managed to force miself to eat half of it..cannot tahan the smell n the taste..omg..it juz suck..and one grp of us, some of the yr one, we went to the red light district and walk one ard..the guys r trying to make it the lst experience for us..omg, it's so disgusting and luan thr..and one of our guys actuallie gt kan shang by a lady thr, and she was lyk screaming, shotgun here..shot gun here..so er rite? so..tt's our lst time, walking thr one rd on foot..wat a "gd" experience lo..argh...
the hall sports sec approached mi on fri, to ask mi join their sports subcom, b polo i/c..i was troubled by it lo..haiz..it's lyk i'm alreadie in sch main com liao..so even if i join the hall subcom, i won't get ani pts lo..somemore, main com is alreadie busy enuff liao..but..haiz..duno leh..i still wan do play polo so much.it's the passion after all..haiz..dunno la..
jer ask mi to b his grp GL for nxt yr hall foc..can't wait for then..hahah..but, dunno if i shld join jer's grp or mi og back leh..after all, i still lyk mi og..but i'm closer to mi neighbours dey all nw leh..haiz..dunno..troubled again..haiz..
on the path of giving up..haiz..juz hope tt i can lo..haiz..
in this game of love, i hav lost to u, yet u hav won w/o even realising it..
Reminiscing stops at |1:15 AM|
